12 Lodge Wellness · · 3 min read
General education, not a diagnosis or an individual treatment plan. Care and withdrawal decisions belong with qualified healthcare professionals.
Care and exhaustion can exist together
Being concerned about someone else's substance use can bring worry, frustration, sadness and uncertainty into everyday life. You may want to help while also feeling worn down. Those feelings can exist together. Supporting another person does not require pretending that their difficulties have no effect on you.
CAMH recognises that family can include partners, friends, co-workers and other significant people—not only relatives. It also recognises the challenges supporters experience. Its guidance makes an important point: families are best able to support loved ones when they themselves are supported. Your wellbeing belongs in the conversation too.
Choose the moment carefully
CAMH recommends raising concerns at a calm time without distractions, rather than when you are angry or the person is drinking or using drugs. Choosing the moment does not guarantee agreement. It simply gives a difficult conversation a better setting than an argument or an urgent demand for answers.
Before speaking, think about what you have actually observed and what you hope to communicate. Is your aim to express concern, ask how the person is doing, or discuss possible support? You do not need to diagnose them or settle every issue in one conversation. If you feel unsafe or uncomfortable raising the issue, CAMH recommends seeking professional help instead.
Describe events rather than attacking identity
CAMH advises talking about specific events and their effects, communicating care and asking questions that invite more than a yes-or-no answer. For example, an illustrative opening might be: 'I felt worried when you missed our plans after drinking. Can we talk about how things have been going?' That is an example of a conversation, not a script guaranteed to work.
A description of what happened is different from declaring what kind of person someone is. There may still be disagreement. Listening does not require agreeing with everything you hear, and speaking compassionately does not mean ignoring harmful behaviour. The aim is to open a respectful conversation, not win a debate about a label.
Support does not have to wait for treatment
You can seek education, counselling or peer support for yourself even if your loved one is not ready for care. CAMH's Family Service, for example, supports adults concerned about another adult's substance use; the person of concern does not need to be receiving treatment at CAMH. Check the service's current access requirements directly.
It can help to reflect on your own needs and limits with someone qualified to support you. What feels safe? What responsibilities can you realistically take on? What help do you need? These questions are about your wellbeing, not a technique for controlling another person's choices.
Keep safety and connection in view
No perfect sentence can guarantee that someone will accept treatment. You can offer information, communicate concern and seek help for yourself without carrying sole responsibility for their recovery. If there is immediate danger, emergency support takes priority over continuing a conversation.
Our Family & Aftercare page describes the family and companion participation planned within the 12 Lodge Method. Resources also brings together Ottawa and Ontario support options, with access notes, for people seeking help for themselves or someone they care about.
Sources & further reading
If someone is in immediate danger, call 911. In Canada, call or text 988 for suicide crisis support.
